同志出櫃 父母入櫃
文章首次刊出日期: 2013.9.29
文／小曹
黃耀明在演唱會以一句「我係gay佬」自豪出櫃後似乎開啟了新一輪的出櫃潮。立法會新貴陳志全（慢必）選舉期間面對記者獵奇式的「性傾向查詢」選擇落落大方回應：「我係」。正當同志社群為前所未有的新氣象感到雀躍，趙式芝(Gigi)與楊如芯(Sean)的婚訊將基民同慶的情緒進一步推至高峰。然而，婚訊甫出，Gigi父親趙世曾便高調否認，還以5億港元的「結婚賞金」廣招賢婿，可謂大煞風景。
她們的戀情就如粵語殘片橋段「無情惡父棒打痴情鴛鴦」的真人版，惹人垂憐。但是，Gigi於9月27日接受BBC電話訪問時卻沒有那種大家都預期的嗟嘆感慨；她的語調平和，對父親的反應表示理解，談及Sean悉心安排婚禮，希望給她意外驚喜時，還不經意地流露了尚未平伏的喜悅心情。
擺在眼前的事實是：需要輔導的不是Gigi而是趙世曾。
在同志圈子內流行一句說話：「同志出櫃，父母入櫃」。同志出櫃固然障礙重重，難關處處，既要在事前評估各方反應，持續試探，也要預備逃逸路線和組織支援小組，當遇到最懷情況時可以有路可退，同時調動親朋戚友向怒火中燒或徬徨失惜的父母美言幾句，安慰失落的心靈。但是，父母要接受子女是同志亦非容易之事。她／他們要重新調整對子女會結婚生子的期望，亦要學習處理大時大節親戚朋友對孩子人生大事的「溫馨」查詢，壓力之大跟同志出櫃很可能不相伯仲。
同志主動向父母come out總離不開一個簡單原因：希望跟父母分享自己一個很重要的部份，拆毀存在兩者之間一道又高又厚的鐵牆，讓自己不用在父母面前努力扮「直」，父母也不用日夜猜測自己是不是「攣」。
如果我見到趙世曾，我會送他一隻光碟《為巴比祈禱》(Prayers for Bobby)。電影以真人真事改編，講述一位虔誠基督徒母親不接受自己兒子的性傾向，千方百計要他「拗直」，直到兒子自殺身亡後才醒覺愛應該不分攣直，雖然恨錯難返，但她從此踏上同志運動，協助父母接受同志子女。
今年4月8日復活節，我的父親因病去逝，他在彌留之際特意問我哥哥大曹我可有伴侶，於是，我帶了跟我一起生活了十年的男友見他。父親舉起了拇指，用微弱的聲線說了一句「好靚仔」。 其實我知道他看不清楚， 因為我倆都戴了口罩，只是他仍想表達最後的祝福。我想絕大多數的父母都希望自己的兒女有人在旁相伴扶持，說到底，究竟對方是男是女已經不太重要了。
Gigi Chao BBC interview 中英對照
GC: We just thought it was a bit of fun, it was a joke or something like that. And um, I wasn’t angry or anything and then … As time went on he kept drilling and going on about how serious this offer actually is and soon I realized it’s really his expression of love, of fatherly love, for this whole situation.
(我們原先以為這只是小遊戲、開個玩笑什麼的。我沒有生氣。但過了一陣子他繼續自說自話、宣稱這是認真的公開的招聘。很快我明白這是他對整件事情表達的父愛。)
BBC: We have pictures with us that you’ve sent us of your church blessing in France. Can you tell us a little bit about the story of your relationship with Sean ?
(你向我們提供了在法國教堂祝福儀式的照片，可以分享一下你和Sean兩人關係的故事嗎？)
GC: Yes, well, I met Sean about 8 to 9 years ago. She was a client of mine, and soon we got to know each other and clicked and took it from there. And soon … because Sean herself is a very family-centred person, she and her family enjoy a very close relationship … (with her parents and siblings), soon she decided that it was only good if we went in a church and put a ring on it. So, at first she tried to do it as a surprise. And then her friends started telling her, ‘Well what if Gigi just says no?’ So, rather last minute, it was, I think, a few days before our trip to Paris, she told me basically that we were going to do this in this church in Paris. And so off we went, and the whole trip to Paris was really a bit surreal because I was really not expecting it. It was unexpected and out of the ordinary really.
(我在八、九年前認識Sean。她是我當時的客戶。我們互相了解後覺得合拍，之後就發展了。而由於Sean本身是個著重家庭的人、她跟家人如父母和兄弟姊妹關係相當密切，於是她覺得我們最好去教堂把戒指戴上。最初她想把這當成驚喜，可是她的朋友說：「Gigi不答應怎麼辦？」所以她最後關頭、約莫是我們要去巴黎前的幾天，告訴我我們要到巴黎的教堂裡這樣做。於是我們去旅行了，而整個旅程感覺十分奇怪，因為是意想不到的。整件事在意料之外，也很特別。)
BBC: But you do consider yourself married?
(可是你會認為自己已婚嗎？)
GC: I don’t think I’m at a privilege to give you a straight answer ... It’s just ... my father’s fervently denied this statement and it would be inappropriate for me to just outright contradict him.
(我不認為我可以直接地回答你。只是因為我父親明確地否認了這個宣言，而我再公開駁斥他並不恰當。)
BBC: Is it hurtful though that your father doesn’t recognize this relationship which is clearly a loving one?
(不過你父親拒絕承認這段顯然恩愛的關係， 對你有造成傷害嗎？)
GC: Yes, well, Lucy, I don’t think it’s hurtful as much ... It’s certainly a bit quite hurtful for Sean. But in reality my father and I, we also enjoy a very close relationship. I talk to him on a daily basis. In reality, he knows me and he knows I’m in a relationship with Sean. It’s just that he thinks that within Chinese society it’s not appropriate and it’s not beneficial to my social standing if this was recognized as a public announcement.
(有的，但我不覺得對我的傷害 ...... 的確對Sean而言是會造成一定程度的傷害。但實際上我跟父親關係也很密切，我每天都和他談話。其實他是了解我的，也明白我跟Sean的關係。只不過他認為在中國社會裡這段關係是不恰當的，而承認我所作的公開聲明亦對我的社會地位毫無益處。)
BBC: It’s a huge amount of money though, 65 milion dollars. Are you saying it’s a waste of time for men to apply to your father?
(但六千五百萬元（美金）是一筆龐大的金額。你言下之意是向令尊報名的男士都在浪費時間？)
GC: No, honestly I don’t think it’s a waste of time if my father certainly thinks it’s worth the money. And he thinks that as a matter of social standing … ‘My baby daughter need[s] to get married with a man’ and what you do inside the closet is another matter.
(不，如果我父親認為這種錢值得花的話，我衷心的不覺得這是浪費時間。他覺得這樣是跟社會地位有關的 ..... 「我的寶貝女兒必須和男人結婚」，在櫃裡做什麼是另一回事。)
BBC: And very briefly do you know if he’s had many offers?
(最後很快的問一下，你知道有多少人已經向他報名嗎？)
GC: I don’t know about him but I’ve had 1,500 Facebook requests, Twitter followers, Google followers, Youtube followers. And, um, about a hundred, two hundred email marriage proposals. I think on his side he’s got about a hundred as well.
(他那方面我不太清楚，但我自己有一千五百個Facebook邀請和Twitter、Google、Youtube的訂閱跟隨者。也有一、二百封電郵求婚。我估他有百多個報名吧。)
Transcribed and translated by Sherlock Lam ([email protected]), who takes responsibility only for mistakes in language. Original source from BBC website (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-19742278).
文／小曹
黃耀明在演唱會以一句「我係gay佬」自豪出櫃後似乎開啟了新一輪的出櫃潮。立法會新貴陳志全（慢必）選舉期間面對記者獵奇式的「性傾向查詢」選擇落落大方回應：「我係」。正當同志社群為前所未有的新氣象感到雀躍，趙式芝(Gigi)與楊如芯(Sean)的婚訊將基民同慶的情緒進一步推至高峰。然而，婚訊甫出，Gigi父親趙世曾便高調否認，還以5億港元的「結婚賞金」廣招賢婿，可謂大煞風景。
她們的戀情就如粵語殘片橋段「無情惡父棒打痴情鴛鴦」的真人版，惹人垂憐。但是，Gigi於9月27日接受BBC電話訪問時卻沒有那種大家都預期的嗟嘆感慨；她的語調平和，對父親的反應表示理解，談及Sean悉心安排婚禮，希望給她意外驚喜時，還不經意地流露了尚未平伏的喜悅心情。
擺在眼前的事實是：需要輔導的不是Gigi而是趙世曾。
在同志圈子內流行一句說話：「同志出櫃，父母入櫃」。同志出櫃固然障礙重重，難關處處，既要在事前評估各方反應，持續試探，也要預備逃逸路線和組織支援小組，當遇到最懷情況時可以有路可退，同時調動親朋戚友向怒火中燒或徬徨失惜的父母美言幾句，安慰失落的心靈。但是，父母要接受子女是同志亦非容易之事。她／他們要重新調整對子女會結婚生子的期望，亦要學習處理大時大節親戚朋友對孩子人生大事的「溫馨」查詢，壓力之大跟同志出櫃很可能不相伯仲。
同志主動向父母come out總離不開一個簡單原因：希望跟父母分享自己一個很重要的部份，拆毀存在兩者之間一道又高又厚的鐵牆，讓自己不用在父母面前努力扮「直」，父母也不用日夜猜測自己是不是「攣」。
如果我見到趙世曾，我會送他一隻光碟《為巴比祈禱》(Prayers for Bobby)。電影以真人真事改編，講述一位虔誠基督徒母親不接受自己兒子的性傾向，千方百計要他「拗直」，直到兒子自殺身亡後才醒覺愛應該不分攣直，雖然恨錯難返，但她從此踏上同志運動，協助父母接受同志子女。
今年4月8日復活節，我的父親因病去逝，他在彌留之際特意問我哥哥大曹我可有伴侶，於是，我帶了跟我一起生活了十年的男友見他。父親舉起了拇指，用微弱的聲線說了一句「好靚仔」。 其實我知道他看不清楚， 因為我倆都戴了口罩，只是他仍想表達最後的祝福。我想絕大多數的父母都希望自己的兒女有人在旁相伴扶持，說到底，究竟對方是男是女已經不太重要了。
Gigi Chao BBC interview 中英對照
GC: We just thought it was a bit of fun, it was a joke or something like that. And um, I wasn’t angry or anything and then … As time went on he kept drilling and going on about how serious this offer actually is and soon I realized it’s really his expression of love, of fatherly love, for this whole situation.
(我們原先以為這只是小遊戲、開個玩笑什麼的。我沒有生氣。但過了一陣子他繼續自說自話、宣稱這是認真的公開的招聘。很快我明白這是他對整件事情表達的父愛。)
BBC: We have pictures with us that you’ve sent us of your church blessing in France. Can you tell us a little bit about the story of your relationship with Sean ?
(你向我們提供了在法國教堂祝福儀式的照片，可以分享一下你和Sean兩人關係的故事嗎？)
GC: Yes, well, I met Sean about 8 to 9 years ago. She was a client of mine, and soon we got to know each other and clicked and took it from there. And soon … because Sean herself is a very family-centred person, she and her family enjoy a very close relationship … (with her parents and siblings), soon she decided that it was only good if we went in a church and put a ring on it. So, at first she tried to do it as a surprise. And then her friends started telling her, ‘Well what if Gigi just says no?’ So, rather last minute, it was, I think, a few days before our trip to Paris, she told me basically that we were going to do this in this church in Paris. And so off we went, and the whole trip to Paris was really a bit surreal because I was really not expecting it. It was unexpected and out of the ordinary really.
(我在八、九年前認識Sean。她是我當時的客戶。我們互相了解後覺得合拍，之後就發展了。而由於Sean本身是個著重家庭的人、她跟家人如父母和兄弟姊妹關係相當密切，於是她覺得我們最好去教堂把戒指戴上。最初她想把這當成驚喜，可是她的朋友說：「Gigi不答應怎麼辦？」所以她最後關頭、約莫是我們要去巴黎前的幾天，告訴我我們要到巴黎的教堂裡這樣做。於是我們去旅行了，而整個旅程感覺十分奇怪，因為是意想不到的。整件事在意料之外，也很特別。)
BBC: But you do consider yourself married?
(可是你會認為自己已婚嗎？)
GC: I don’t think I’m at a privilege to give you a straight answer ... It’s just ... my father’s fervently denied this statement and it would be inappropriate for me to just outright contradict him.
(我不認為我可以直接地回答你。只是因為我父親明確地否認了這個宣言，而我再公開駁斥他並不恰當。)
BBC: Is it hurtful though that your father doesn’t recognize this relationship which is clearly a loving one?
(不過你父親拒絕承認這段顯然恩愛的關係， 對你有造成傷害嗎？)
GC: Yes, well, Lucy, I don’t think it’s hurtful as much ... It’s certainly a bit quite hurtful for Sean. But in reality my father and I, we also enjoy a very close relationship. I talk to him on a daily basis. In reality, he knows me and he knows I’m in a relationship with Sean. It’s just that he thinks that within Chinese society it’s not appropriate and it’s not beneficial to my social standing if this was recognized as a public announcement.
(有的，但我不覺得對我的傷害 ...... 的確對Sean而言是會造成一定程度的傷害。但實際上我跟父親關係也很密切，我每天都和他談話。其實他是了解我的，也明白我跟Sean的關係。只不過他認為在中國社會裡這段關係是不恰當的，而承認我所作的公開聲明亦對我的社會地位毫無益處。)
BBC: It’s a huge amount of money though, 65 milion dollars. Are you saying it’s a waste of time for men to apply to your father?
(但六千五百萬元（美金）是一筆龐大的金額。你言下之意是向令尊報名的男士都在浪費時間？)
GC: No, honestly I don’t think it’s a waste of time if my father certainly thinks it’s worth the money. And he thinks that as a matter of social standing … ‘My baby daughter need[s] to get married with a man’ and what you do inside the closet is another matter.
(不，如果我父親認為這種錢值得花的話，我衷心的不覺得這是浪費時間。他覺得這樣是跟社會地位有關的 ..... 「我的寶貝女兒必須和男人結婚」，在櫃裡做什麼是另一回事。)
BBC: And very briefly do you know if he’s had many offers?
(最後很快的問一下，你知道有多少人已經向他報名嗎？)
GC: I don’t know about him but I’ve had 1,500 Facebook requests, Twitter followers, Google followers, Youtube followers. And, um, about a hundred, two hundred email marriage proposals. I think on his side he’s got about a hundred as well.
(他那方面我不太清楚，但我自己有一千五百個Facebook邀請和Twitter、Google、Youtube的訂閱跟隨者。也有一、二百封電郵求婚。我估他有百多個報名吧。)
Transcribed and translated by Sherlock Lam ([email protected]), who takes responsibility only for mistakes in language. Original source from BBC website (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-19742278).